Rapport & Continuity of Care

I just stumbled upon a very important reason for having a well-known, and yet skilled, attendant or companion present during your labor and birth.

I love to pet cats. I love to pet animals in general. I remember lying down next to our family dog (a "schoodle," schnauzer/poodle mix) as a child and just stroking her and trying to find the way she liked to be petted. Unfortunately, she was my mom's dog, and she didn't really like anyone else to pet her. I tried so hard to pet her in a way that she liked, so she didn't just get up and walk away (which she frequently did)! However, this was likely a foreshadowing of my desire to be a massage therapist--work that continuously challenges my ability to soothe others through touch, to find the way that feels best to that client. My senses were attuned during those early interactions with our dog.

Just now, I sat next to one of our cats, petting him in the same way I used to pet our family dog. Fortunately, our current cats love to be stroked and petted (with a few exceptions--they are cats, after all!). This particular cat loves to be rubbed. His eyes light up when I enter the room, he starts to blink, and he very subtly moves along with my strokes, often moving in such small ways that I can tell where he wants me to focus. I know he likes his lower back to be rubbed and he also frequently directs me to focus on his chin and cheeks. All without saying a word.

His purrs, body movements, and snorty-breathing tell me that he loves it. (It means he is in what we call, in HypnoBirthing, the healing room--endorphins are flowing and he feels safe and comforted.) And I respond appropriately, by following his lead.

What if your labor and birth was accompanied by someone who knew just what to do when you gave even the subtlest hint--a movement, a blink of the eye, a light murmur of approval?

This is why it is so crucial to get to know your birth attendants and companions. It is why I like to schedule massages with my doula clients, so that I know their cues, their peaks and valleys, how they respond to certain types of touch. For both of us, it foreshadows the interaction we will have during labor--the mother associates my touch with feeling good, and I know where I should be.

For the record, I am the type of person who is enormously sensitive, and I would want a sensitive person around me during such a vulnerable time, as well. Too often, birth companions and attendants take a "coach-like," bossy, or directing/managing role of a woman's labor, and they don't really listen to her subtle cues. This is often because of burnout--to many births and too much work to really have the energy to care deeply. It could also be a lack of sensitivity or empathy, and a lack of training in the subtle cues of their client/patient.

Think about that as you plan your birth. A medical provider often does not have or need these sensitive skills, as their job scope does not require it. A doula, friend, partner, or (sometimes) a nurse is more likely to fill that role.